There's No Escaping Yourself
by Kuroko Miharu
Summary: Sean "Spot" Conlon's spirit was broken by his mother. Tony "Racetrack" Higgins' body was broken by his father. Now they make their way in a world with no mercy, just trying to live life the best they can, but there is no escape from your past and who you truly are. Set before during and after the strike, sorry I suck at summarys. SpRace SpotxRace Spot/Race. Please review!
1. Chapter 1

People say memories fade over time. God I wish that was true. But that doesn't happen for me, I can still remember every moment, every moment I wished I was dead, or that I was anyone but me. I still dream about it, I wake up in the middle of the night shouting for them to stop, to let me go, that they were hurting me. People say Memories fade. Those people are idiots.

To be honest, I don't think I've ever felt love in my life, I thought I did early on, I loved my Dad before he split, and I loved my Mom before I realized that the pain was her fault, but besides that, I haven't loved anyone and nobody's loved me.

I ran away when I was 10, but it was too late for me by then, for me to be anything that could ever be loved. I was broken.

It had started when I was about 6... Or was I 7? I don't know, after my Dad left, we stopped celebrating birthdays. I was 4 then. My mom was a whore. A prostitute. And apparently a very good one according to the noises of pleasure that I often heard from the Johns in her room. I think I still liked her back then, until the moment that it started, she was good to me. Well not bad, but I guess she wasn't _good_ either. She fed me, she let me leave the house, she gave me clothes that didn't have holes. But one day I came home and this man was over. That wasn't unusual, men came over a lot, but what happened next was. She told me to go to my room and she locked the door, then the man and her came in a few minutes later, talked for a couple minutes, the man handed her some money, and then she left the room with an impartial face. The next thing a knew the man was kissing me, and touching me, and I was yelling for my mom, but she didn't come, then the man flipped me over and took off my pants. When it was done I was crying and bleeding on the bed, and he was smiling.

Over the next 3 or 4 years that happened every day or so. It felt like eternity. It broke me. I stopped fighting after the first 6 months and eventually I stopped crying too. She wouldn't let me leave the house without her, and she only fed me if I was 'good' as in I made my 'guests' happy. I tried to run away one time when I was 8, and again when I was almost 9. She beat me, then locked me in my room and didn't feed me for 3 days.

I'd stopped ever crying, nothing got to me, I was hardened, I toughened up. I had always been skinny, but that was from malnutrition, not lack of muscle. When I was almost 10, I was being dragged through the streets by my mom, when I saw a few kids running. They were fast, and being chased by the police. I stared as a boy that looked about 12 or 13 and wearing a cowboy hat dragged a tan boy with curly hair that looked about my age behind him. The boy was laughing. Fucking laughing. I didn't know people could look so happy while being chased by the police. Shit, I didn't know people could be so happy.

After that I stopped wanting to take all the shit. I started to fight again when the men came, tooth and nail. I broke out of my room and took food when Mom wouldn't feed me, and when she tried to beat me I fought back. One day when she was out and I was locked in my room, I grabbed some clothes and a bag, broke the window, and left forever.

I had cut my arm on the way out, and for the first few weeks I didn't have anywhere to go. And that was still hell, but better than home. when it started to get cold, I would put on all my clothes and curl up in an alley outside the tenements. It was mid october when I heard the screaming. I had heard loud noises and yelps from that room before, but never screaming. I climbed up the fire escape to the window, and looked in. There was a large man, shouting in Italian, looking like he hadn't been sober for years, and a boy on the floor, who had stopped screaming, but was whimpering, with his arm bent at an angle that seemed wrong. As I watched the boy said something I didn't understand back to the man, who seemed to roar, like actually roar, and smacked the boy, then picked him up by his collar and slammed him against the wall. I heard someone cry, and looked around the room, surprised to see a young boy and three young girls along with a mother huddling on a mattress in the corner. One of the little girls had started to cry, and another girl covered her mouth and hugged her. The father looked over at his daughter crying, and dropped the boy, who had been struggling to breath, and pointed at the door, before speaking to his daughter in a loving fashion. The boy slowly stood up, wincing in pain, and holding his arm - which appeared to be broken - one of his sisters had stood up and ran over to him, and was hugging him. The little boy had grabbed a bandage, and gave it to the girl who applied it to his arm. I left. I had run away from this, but that boy was still there. It was too much.

The next morning I saw the boy outside his house and I just looked at him from where I was sitting. He stared back then walked over to me.

"I saw ya in the window."

I just stared

"Can ya speak?"

"Yeah."

"So why did ya snoop in mah window last night?"

"I heahed ya screamin,"

"That ain't none of your business,"

"Why do ya stay?"

"Where else would I go?"

"Anywheah but theah,"

"I got sistahs, and a brothah too,"

"They's gettin beaten like youse?"

"Nah, pop likes 'em,"

"Then they'se got eachodah, youse just got pain,"

"Well how da you know?"

"Trust me, I know,"

He stared at me, trying to read my face. Then he whispered

"What if he finds me?"

"Ya run, anywheahs betteh then yeah,"

"Can ya run wit me?"

"Well I got no place I gottah be,"

"Then lets run,"

And we did.

The boy's name was Antonio Luciano Higgins, and he became my first real friend. We stuck together and stuck up for each-other, and we both ended up being newsboys in brooklyn before the end of the year. We had somewhere to sleep and money in our pockets for the first time in months, and Tony realized that he liked the horse races. I had started to move up in the ranks, but the brooklyn newsies didn't like Tony. He was ok for a while, just snide comments, but it got worse and worse until he started getting soaked. When it started he would tell me and I would soak them back, but then he stopped, and I would just see the bruises on his chest when he changed. He seemed to start to become more reserved and would avoid almost everyone but me, it was clear that he didn't like it here, but what else could we do, we were uneducated street rats, barely able to read. One day he told me he was leaving Brooklyn.

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

"I'm leaving."

"Why?!"

"I can't even sell teh papes anymore, the guys follow me, its like I'm back with me dad again,"

"I'll go wit ya then,"

"No, youse on da up and up, I'll still be sellin at sheepshead, I'll just be livin in manhattan,"

"MANHATTAN?"

"Yeah,"

"Why manhattan, of all places?"

"I know a guy,"

"Why don't I know this guy,"

"Cuz he's my guy,"

"Youse don't got your own guys,"

"Apparently I do,"

"C'mon Tony, I can keep the guys off ah yeh,"

"I don't need you'se to protect me,"

"Then why are ya leavin?"

"Cuz I don't wannah _have_ to protect myself."

And he left.

I moved up in the world over the next few years, becoming the leader of brooklyn by the time that I was 14 years old. I did still see Tony around, and every couple months we would meet at Tibby's and catch up with each-other. He knows me better than I know myself, and I like to think of him the same, but I haven't seen him in 3 months, and I've gotten really lonely. Spot Conlon: Lonely. Well that was new.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi there! I would be the author of this crappy little piece of shit! Anyway thank you for reading to chapter 2 :)**

**Anyway, please review, say what you like, don't like, what could be better, etc.**

**DISCLAIMER: OH SHIT I FORGOT THIS LAST CHAPTER, PLEASE DON'T SUE ME I HAVE NO MONEY! I DO NOT OWN NEWSIES, THAT ALL GOES TO DISNEY.**

Something was stirring. I don't know what and he don't know why, but I do know that something was stirring in Manhattan. One of my boys had seen a commotion by the Manhattan boys distribution center, the one where Tony got his papes. Whatever it was, it better not affect my boys, I put a lot of work into Brooklyn and I didn't need some pansy ass Manhattan boys messing that up. But what about Tony, even if we don't see each other often, Tony was his best friend, he had known me before we became newsies, and I could be myself around him. He knew Sean Conlon, who I was inside, who I still think I am, though who knows anymore, he's not scared of me, not like the majority of his pansy ass friends. They don't know him any better than they know me. He never told them his real name, after being called shrimp for his small stature for a while, the Brooklyn boys started calling him Racetrack, and he went with it, but nobody but me knew Antonio Higgins. I liked it like that, so he better not get himself into some stupid crap.

Whatever it was that was stirring, I needed to know, I was the leader of Brooklyn, and like hell I was getting left out in the cold, I would just need to deploy some younger kids to listen in on conversations, and wait around the docks today. Before I got the chance to do so, I saw a short Italian running down the docks, and smiled,

"Hiya Midgito,"

I smiled at the disgruntled expression on Tony's face from the nickname I gave him a while back,

"Shaddup fucker,"

One of my boys, Slingshot, heard that and looked up at him, an angry expression on his face,

"Let it go Slingshot, Race heah is an old friend of mine,"

He nodded slowly, glared at Tony and walked away,

"So what'd ya want wit me then Tony?"

"Big news Sean, I'se can't stay long, Jacky-boy has me spreadin the woard othah places, thoaht I'd stop by an tells ya in poisen befoah they'se got heah-"

"Antonio sloah down, what news?"

"We's goin on strike,"

I stared, surely I must have misheard him

"What now?"

"Strike."

"Surely I'se must be imaginin things, cuz teh Tony I'se knowin doesn't talk outta his ass,"

"No I'se don't, and I ain't doin it now either,"

"Sure sounds like it to me,"

"Then you'se ain't listenin,"

"I ain't?"

"Davey came up wit it, and he's educated and everything, Pulitzer can't treat us like shit no more,"

"Course he can, he owns _The World, _and who's dis Davey?"

"But he don't own us, and he's comin by lateh, you'll meet 'I'm,"

"Close enough,"

"We'se a union now, he can't treat us like nothin,"

"You'se ain't no union,"

"We'se sure as hell are, we don't need no fancy caps or badges, whatevah, Jack, Boots, and Davey will come by lateh, at least consideh it Sean,"

"Okay, okay, talk to yah lateh Tony,"

"Yeah, gottah run."

As he went about the other way, I started thinking about all the good and the bad that a strike could bring. I still know what it was to be beaten, and I don't want it for my boys, not from the bulls, but I also know what it's like to take shit, and that we can't sit around and let them treat us like we're nothing for much longer, we were the lowest of the low, didn't even have the know how to work in the factories. No homes, no money, no food, at least without the paper, they depended on it, and they couldn't forever. It was time to make a move, but they had to be ready to act too, make sure they wouldn't run at the first sight of trouble. I had to find out some more from Jack before I acted.


	3. Chapter 3

You know what's really boring, waiting for something big to happen. Just waiting. I was watching from the rooftops, seeing if the manhattan newsies would keep their word and stand their ground. So far it wasn't promising, they seemed to be loosing their edge, Tony seemed dejected too, but hey, I couldn't just rush in there, Brooklyn didn't help unless it would be beneficial to them too.

Suddenly that new kid - Davey? David? Dav something I think - Started to say something, I was kinda far away, but it sounded like seize the day, or something like that, I watched as they rallied in the streets, then went to confront the scabbers. It was working ok for a minute, as a few newsies didn't buy papes, then a big one, someone who looked to old to be a newsie, came down. I watched carefully, as Jackey-boy hit the papes outta his hands, and I smiled. They were starting off okay after all. Suddenly hell broke out, they were ripping up the papes, and throwing fruit, god knows where it came from, at the workers, I think "Weasel" was the one who worked there, and those jackasses the Morris brothers. I heard a familiar whistle and looked up, from the rooftops I could see the bulls coming. Jesus, if they didn't get out they'd be arrested or beaten, but luckily Jack heard it too, and yelled for them to cheese it. I was about to walk away myself, when I saw the crip - Crutchy? Gimpy? - get caught by those brothers, they kicked his crutch out from under him and dragged him away. Okay, I was right, those were the jackasses.

* * *

As I made my way back to Brooklyn I saw a few newsies running in the streets, and avoided them, It was the kid with the eyepatch, - Kid Blink? something weird like that - and a kid with short curly hair and mocha skin, I couldn't remember his name for the life of me, but I think it started with an M. They were talking and joking and mockingly punching each other on the arm as many newsies do, when Kid Blink leaned in and kissed the other boy, who was obviously not unhappy about it, but stopped the kiss quickly and looked around. I was still carefully out of sight, but they moved away to the alley anyway. I contemplated that for a minute, I was sure as hell not religious, I had lost all that the same time I lost any love I had for anyone, and I personally didn't have a problem with the gays, but I had never thought about newsies being gay, it just didn't occur to me. I put it out of my mind, and continued the walk home.

* * *

The next morning I woke up and rallied some of my boys, It looked like the Manhattan boys might just be serious, but we still had to be sure before we intervened. We hid like I had yesterday, on the rooftops, and watched. They were rallying again, and made a line with their arms, before they were driven out of the way by a horse, it didn't phase them though, they just regrouped, and stood across from the scabbers, I heard Race yell

"Cross the line!"

and I smiled, that sounded like him. I saw the new guy - Okay, I'm pretty sure they call him Davey, but I think I'll stick with Mouth - look back and forth and said,

"Everyone... Remain calm."

Okay he obviously hadn't been around for long, as Jack yelled,

"Lets soak 'em for Crutchy!"

They all rushed the scabbers, screaming for Crutchy. Ok, well now I knew that these guys were reliable, they avenged their own. But as they moved in, the smile sneaked off my face. The scabbers had knocked on a green door around the back, and grown men holding weapons that would make beating young boys easy came out. I watched as Race yelled to Jack, and the gates closed behind the boys. This was not looking good, the cops were looking away as these men prepared themselves to beat the boys. The jackass brothers walked toward Jack, who was slowly backing up, and I heard Mouth yell for his little brother to leave. Good choice there Davey. A man walked towards Jack swinging a metal chain, and he managed to dodge out of the way, I whistled at my boys, showing it was go time, and we all started to get up.

I jumped down onto a fire escape and said,

"Never fear Brooklyn is here," with a cocky smile, and watched as the mocha skinned boy from last night yelled,

"Its Brooklyn!"

and started to laugh, happy that he wouldn't be getting the shit kicked outta him. I knew having a slingshot would come in handy, and I carefully aimed at one of the men, hitting him in the face, I saw Boots punch a guy in the face, and nodded at him. Then I glanced over at Tony, his hands were up in surrender, and I frowned, I thought he was tougher than that, he sat down on the upraised portion of the ground where he was standing, looked over his shoulder to see if anyone was behind him, then nailed the guy in the balls and punched him in the face. Okay, that was more like Tony, he played dirty.

I grabbed onto a rope and swung down, kicking a few guys as I landed, then spat and shook with Jack, and proceeded to open the gates, where the rest of my men were waiting, and turned around to face the newsies, then rushed in with my pimp cane flying.

We chased the men out and started to cheer, when a man with a camera walked up and told us to freeze, and we froze with what was probably horrible looks on our faces, before proceeding with our victorious cheer. I walked over to race and ruffled his hair,

"Nice ball shot there midgito."

"I told ya to stop callin me that skinny!"

"Hey! heah I was complementin ya, ya ungrateful-"

"Yeah yeah yeah, Sean! Thank ya for da compliment den,"

"So you'se guys is serious aftah all?"

"I'se offended dat you'se evah doubted me,"

"Shut it Tony,"

"So what do people do when dey don't gotta sell da papes, and they ain't got money for da races?"

"You'se and your damn races,"

"What can I'se say, I'se got deh gift,"

"You'se keep loosing all your money,"

"But I'se win more than I'se loose!"

"Cuz you'se cheat,"

"How dare you'se accuse me of dat, I'se would nevah cheat someone who wasn't cheatin me already,"

"You'se think everyone is cheatin you'se,"

"Well you ain't and I'se still win,"

"I'se should stop agreein teh play pokah with you'se..."

"Yah nevah will, but what do we's do then?"

"Soak some scabs?"

"Like hell, Sean!"

"Okay, okay, ow bout we goes to the bordin house and discuss what to do, I'se can send out some boys to da othah newsies to tell em Brooklyn's on board."

Jack had walked up when I wasn't looking, and I jumped a little bit when I heard him speak.

"Sound's good Spotty,"

"Oi! Jackey boy, don't walk up behind peoples like dat,"

"So you know Race?"

"He's an old friend-"

"Spotty heah is an asshole, I help him from bein too stupid."

I socked Tony in the arm as Jack sniggered,

"So lets get those boys sent out den Spot, we ain't got all day."


End file.
